Had a rough few days. Best way I could describe it is walking through a forest of rose bushes. It's gorgeous all around you but simply existing there means you're walking through thorns whichever way you go. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I still have chronic pain and a mental illness when I seem to be triumphing over all the odds. The past few days have been pretty painful. I showed up to my pain doctor in tears this afternoon, not knowing what to do because I didn't think I could finish my ride. What goes up must come down I guess. It's ok though, I'm gonna keep fucking goin, even when my body says it cant.
Warning - if vulnerability makes you uncomfortable, move along. This post isn’t for you. But I feel led to share something.
These pictures are from the summer I worked at Pine Cove camp, a summer I was heavily medicated after a season I spent fighting for mental stability. I was so insecure, as the many different medications caused a lot of weight gain. But they were a necessary evil. Meds saved my life, time and time again.
If you have never experienced mania, you have never truly breathed air the way it is intended to be breathed. 😜 But the crash that followed was never, ever pretty. My college years are a blur of prescription medications and self-medicating on food, alcohol, relationships - deeply angry that God would give me a brain that doesn’t work right.
Ten years ago I decided to start making healthy choices with nutrition, exercise, and quality sleep (even when my brain was racing and telling me I could do SO MUCH if I pulled an all nighter). Things improved. Three and a half years ago I learned about gut health, and that knowledge has changed everything for me.
I share my passion for gut health because mental illness is an epidemic in our culture. The statistics continue to rise. But there is hope. Not only do we have many medications available to help, but we have supplements and lifestyle choices that can help. There is new research every day on mental health. Science has come a long way since the days of “it’s just a brain chemical thing.” Everyone’s story is different, there is no one size fits all. But if I can offer hope to just one person reading this, that makes my story worth sharing. 🖤
For more info on the gut/brain connection from a Licensed Professional Counselor, check out the link in my profile.
Wow, I can't believe how many followers I got while I was gone. Thank you💞💞 suffice it to say, the recovery thing is on hold for a little while. First semester of uni was extremely successful but things have been going down hill. Started #lithium so hopefully that will save me. I started posting poetry on tumblr, my url is "bipolarwritings" if you wanna check it out. Thank you for being patient with me :) #actuallybipolar#depression#mentalhealth#recoverydiary#recovery