This pasta salad was so delicious I have to invent a new word to describe it... it was... winkelvandarous. Or maybe it was more fenglotoprastical. Try making it and then tell me.
Here’s how to make it:
1 packet of Whole wheat pasta. 1 cup of black lentils. 1 sweet potato cubed and steamed. 7 large kale leaves, de-stemmed and very lightly steamed. A double handful of bright red cherry tomatoes,diced. 1-2 avocados, cut in cubes. A handful of fresh basil. 2-3 large cloves of fresh garlic thoroughly minced. A whole bunch of olive oil. A large tablespoon of smoked paprika. Salt to taste.
Combine all the ingredients
Make a packet of whole wheat pasta. I cooked the lentils with the pasta to kill two birds with one stone. Relax, vegans, it’s just an expression. No birds were harmed. Unless by birds you mean stomachs and by harmed you mean struck by the kisses of angels. Also, the best way to de-stem kale is to grasp the stem firmly at the bottom and use the other hand to push the leaf off the stem in a lightly masturbatory motion. Slides right off. Steam for about 2 minutes. Oh, and I kept the avocado separate, so I could make a whole bunch and then put avocado in at the last moment so it doesn’t go all brown. #veganorgy#veganism#veganrecipes#veganbodybuilding#veganfood#vegansofig#recipes#recipe#winterfood
17 4272:53 PM Nov 22, 2017
Seitan schnitzel with sweet potato fries and a spinach and tomato salad! I’m rapping todays recipe:
Take unseasoned seitan, cut it roughly up,
Make sure you smile at the seitan for luck,
Beat two tablespoons of water with the same of flax, and it sits for a while while you spice the flour to the max.
Dip the seitan in the flax and flour it up, then cut up sweet potatoes like you don’t give a fuck.
Heat some oil in a pot till it’s hotter then hell, fry the seitan in the oil and the tatos as well.
Cut up some tomatoes, mix in the spinach, put them together- oh, you thought I was finished?
Dress the salad all nice, with some oil and salt, squeeze in a drop of lemon like it’s nobodies fault.
Now season the dish, and plate it all sassy,
I’m vegan orgy, remember to stay classy. #veganorgy#vegan#reciperap#veganrecipes#cheatday#veganschnitzel#goddamngoddamn#isaidgoddamn
19 3185:53 PM Nov 20, 2017
Leek and potato soup is the soup equivalent of going through your sweet grandmothers cupboard and finding a spicy butt-plug. It’s an old classic but it still knows how to party! I love how simple it is to make. It only takes 1 pot, 6 ingredients and 30 minutes but provides an infinity of creamy warmth that bearhugs your belly and is just all round delicious.
3 large leeks diced up. 5 medium potatoes (or like 8 small potatoes) peeled and diced. 1 large onion diced up. 1 good tablespoon fresh thyme. 2 sprigs of rosemary. 1 tablespoon of cumin. Maybe a shake of curry powder. Salt to taste.
Ok. Heat some olive oil in a big pot. Add onions and all spices and let them make polite conversation for a couple of minutes. Add leeks and lightly colour everything. Sprinkle a pinch of salt to get the party started. Then in goes the diced potatoes. Mix around and add some water until everything is covered. Crank up the heat until it’s boiling, close the lid and turn down the heat and simmer, checking the potatoes every so often. When the taters are soft, it’s done. Taste the water to see if it needs salt. Stick in a blender and blend until it is lusciously silky and creamy. Serve with a ribbon of olive oil and some thyme. Season to taste. Tastefully surrounding it with herbs is optional.
Thank me later. #veganorgy#wintersoup#souptime#vegan#veganrecipes#hot#soup#leekandpotato#tasty#fuckthatsdelicious#veganwinter
24 4678:54 AM Nov 14, 2017
This magical mushroom 🍄 dip was prettyyyy... prettyyyy... prettyyyy good. #larrydavid
Sorry it’s been so long, I got all icky and ill. This post is about experimenting. Which leads to experience. I know how to cook because I used to watch my mum cook when I had nothing better to do. #loveyoumyriam I also used to get stoned and watch endless videos on YouTube of people cooking. I still watch cooking videos, when I’m procrastinating, or on the toilet. Ive always thought watching how food is made helps food come out the other side. I can not recommend enough how valuable simple observation can be. So, on to this experiment from a couple of weeks back. The measurements are dodgy because this was from the heart and love can’t be measured.
I made this using a few portobello mushrooms, roasted in a pan. A handful of walnuts roasted in a dry pan. Then I roasted some whole garlic cloves with some thyme. I threw it all in to a blender. Added a loose tablespoon of fresh thyme. I love the contrast between cooked and raw things. A squirt of lemon juice, because it really helps to bring out the mushroom. Walnut and mushroom just seemed like a nice warm combination of tastes as well. I cannot stress enough how important it is to try tasting things together. Ok, so then I poured in some olive oil, and a dash of cumin, and a large pinch of salt, and blended! I tasted it again, and it seemed bland. It needed more salt and lemon juice, and I added some garlic flakes to give it more of a kick. Then some more olive oil to add some richness and make it smoother. Something you make that tastes bland is really only a sprinkle of something away from fabulous. I’ll say it again. By tasting your food and with careful experimentation, you can elevate dishes to another level with a dash more salt or pepper, or some spice, and with experience you can refine your palate and your dishes. I could have made this dip with pine nuts and basil instead of walnut and thyme to make a sort of Italian pesto, or with beets instead of mushrooms, or added Chili and curry powder for an Asian twist. The possibilities, are endless! And with experience, you can really make your meals magical. #veganorgy
What do I call you guys? My fellow swingers? My vegan orgy goers? Whatever you sweet souls are to me, I’m sorry it’s been so long, moving house has been quite taxing on this poor naked chef... These tortilla wraps were the bees knees. They were the cats pyjamas. They were the whales... vagina? The home-made tortillas (I found a recipe online. It’s just water and flour and a bit of olive oil. Make sure you bear in mind the first couple are going to come out shit. God bless Mexicans by the way) were lovingly caressed with a dollop of GREEN PEA HUMMUS which was sinfully, sensually sensational. Just make the red bean hummus from a few posts back, subbing beans with peas. On top was some Seitan mince. I took a frozen block of Seitan (my new favourite thing), roughly chopped it and blended it with salt, garlic powder, a bit of curry powder, and paprika. Then I stuck it in a pan to cook until tasty. Layered on top was fried onions. Then tomato salad (olive oil, lemon juice and sumac). Then sliced yellow peppers. And finally, these mysterious green tentacles of salty goodness I found out later are called samphire, which sounds like a Pokemon. Comment below if you think eating Pokemon is vegan. Scroll through to see the individual layers. #veganorgy#sorryimlate#veganmexicanfood#vegan#veganrecipes
10 2534:48 PM Oct 31, 2017
This devilishly delicious Seitan Sandwich is so simple to make and satisfies the stomach in ways only a sandwich can. The sailors on this submarine are:
And a ciabatta roll, drizzled with olive oil and griddled.
It all began with the roll. Get good bread! I sliced the roll down the middle like Moses splitting the Red Sea.
I cut the Seitan into bite sized chunks and fried them with garlic powder and paprika. Then I sliced the shiitake mushrooms and in the pan they went with a kiss from mama lemon juice and a hug from father thyme. I wilted the kale so it would be soft. The construction: mayo, then kale, sliced tomatoes, Seitan, mushrooms, corn, basil. A sprinkling of good salt. Ketchup went on the sister slice of bread. Finally, the two halves were reunited joyously with their new toppings, as a symbolic offering in celebration of fertility, and tasteful fun was had by all. Who cares what food looks like, as long as it tastes delicious. #veganorgy for president.
7 2377:03 PM Oct 26, 2017
I call this the Ultimate Peanut Super Power Lentil Soup Reigning Supreme Over All Universes. An understatement but what can you do... I made this soup before I fasted for twenty four hours and it is truly fit for a bear who just woke up from a hibernation and is training to fight Chuck Norris with a Lightsaber.
Here’s how to create it:
Pre-cook 1 cup of black lentils.
Chop up: 2 onions, 3 garlic cloves, a whole bunch of kale(de-stemmed) and/or spinach (a big bowl of them, they will wilt into nothingness once cooked), 2 cups of cherry tomatoes. And you’re gonna need peanut butter, tomato paste, turmeric, cumin, paprika and fresh rosemary. Make sure you get organic things or the bear will be coming for you next.
Heat up some olive oil in a pot. Onions in, then garlic.
Spices in: 1 heaped teaspoon of cumin. 1 teaspoon of paprika. 1/2 teaspoon of turmeric. A good squishing of tomato paste. Two sprigs of rosemary. Stir. Add in tomatoes. Cook. Throw in a cup of water or stock. Chuck in those lentils, baby. In go the leaves. Oh god YESDONTSTOP. Wilt. Finally get 2 big tablespoons of peanut butter,stir them in and let simmer for a couple of minutes so the flavours get friendly... aroused? Most definitely. Pull out the rosemary sticks. Serve as is or blended ( I did that). It is simply a sumptuous winter soup.
35 4766:39 AM Oct 25, 2017
Finely chopped celery, raw zucchini, skinless cucumber, yellow peppers, tomatoes and avocados dressed in whole grain mustard, lemon juice and zest, olive oil, and pink Himalayan salt. Texturally transcendant on the tongue 😛 📸: Me, with a potato
3 2025:26 PM Oct 24, 2017
Sweet sweet lord this bread was good. Rustic, crunchy, chewy, hearty, a real #veganorgy of flavours... Making bread is so satisfying and simple, it takes no time at all (most of the time is spent rising) and is mind meltingly magnificent. I made this In a toaster oven, so if I can make it anyone can. Alright so here goes:
2 tbsp caraway seeds, light toasted in a dry pan and roughly crushed in a mortar and pestle. I don’t have one so I used a bowl and the wooden handle of a knife.
500g strong white flour
10g fine sea salt
1 tsp easy-blend yeast
2 tbsp thin honey (or date syrup)
1 tbsp olive oil
Combine the flour, salt and yeast in a bowl. Add the toasted caraway seeds. Take the honey and put it in a measuring cup, and fill the cup to 325ml with warm water and mix. Add the honey-water and olive oil to the dry ingredients. Mix until it forms a rough dough. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 5-10min. Form into ball, rub in some olive oil, cover and leave to rise 1-2hours until doubled (mine went over and all was well). Take out and punch out the air, form into a loaf and put on an oiled tray. Leave to rise again till doubled in size (1hour). Slash with a sharp knife. Dust with flour. Put in oven on highest temperature for 10 minutes, turn down to 180c (356f) for 20 minutes (30min total). Should be nice and brown, sound hollow when tapped underneath. Leave to cool. Take a bite and blow your mind. #vegan#veganorgy#baking#bread#breadmaking#delicious
14 3346:05 PM Oct 23, 2017
Something, something, something, #veganorgy
Comment your favourite berry! Mine are blueberries.
P.s did you know almond is actually a fruit, and cashew is a legume? Madness, I tells ya! X